No Nancy Boys Allowed!

So, I got two responses from yesterday's post about my "black mood" (as my mother always called them) One from my wife and one in an e-mail from an old friend who thinks all men should keep blogs so the women in their lives know what's going on inside them. The wife however, feels that I should be able to talk to her directly after 20 years or so of being together.

Let me pontificate for a few moments about the male of the species, if you would.

For starters, we do not share our emotions. Not with any one (unless we are well and truly drunk and even then we will deny everything we said once we sober up!) and it is no personal reflection on the significant other in our lives that we do not do so. Point of fact: we are physically incapable of doing so. Don't think so? Consider this: I was barely able to squeeze out three or four tears at my own father's funeral. Not because I didn't love the man, but because I don't know how to cry. I had the ability burned out of me as a child and it doesn't grow back. I -like all men- had it removed by years of brotherly abuse, mocking friends, laughing girls, disapproving fathers, and a culture that sees emotions in a man as a sure sign of weakness. Now, I know that every woman out there is saying something like, "Oh, that's not true! It's okay for a man to cry and be emotional!"

Bullshit.

Women have almost no respect for an emotional man. I'm pretty sure it's a species survival thing: any caveman who starts to cry while the lions are attacking is probably not the one you wanna have cave-shildren with, ya' know? Women want a man with wide shoulders to take on big, emotional, problems without flinching. That's what men do . . . it's our function (that and cutting the lawn) We stand tall and fight against the nastiness of life without sniffling so that our women can handle the mothering, nurturing, and caring stuff. (yea, I know that's sounds sexist, but I'm only an ignorant male, so bear with.) Men are taught from our cradle that it is NOT acceptable to show emotions. We're taught by parents, siblings, and the world in general but you know who teaches us that lesson best?

YOU DO, LADIES!

Don't believe me? Who did you wanna date in high school: the captain of the football team, or the guy in the AV club who wrote poems for the school paper? Now, I understand that women mature past this point and that's a temporary condition but the lessons are learned. More, the lessons are valid. In truth, I don't think women ever want a "sensitive" man. They've just been told they're supposed to. There's a reason why the hero of damn near every romance novel ever written is a large, rugged, unruly barbarian. Does he love? Sure. Does he care about other folks feelings? Absolutely. Does he sit and discuss his emotional well being with the heroine? Nope. Never-ever-ever-ever-never!!!!!!!!!!!

Why not? Cuz he's a man. A man couldn't get a coherent sentence out in response to the question: "What are you feeling?" if his life depended on it. Part of being a man is NOT feeling. I know that's not considered an "acceptable" statement but it's the truth. Life kicks the shit out of everyone. As a woman, you're allowed to cry about it (hey, I didn't make the rules!) as a man, you have to grin and spit back in life's eye after it repeatedly kicked you in the nuts with its steel-toed boot. We survive in this world on our toughness and our ability to handle pain and hardship (yea, I know women can be just as tough, but this post is about men.) We do not, can not, and will not, discuss our "feelings" just because the woman we love wants us too. I don't know how. I don't even know where to begin. Yes, I know, you're saying: "But you can learn!" True, I suppose . . . but I could also learn to dance the Lambada in stilleto heels and TRUST ME that is not going to be good for my marriage either!

Men find their own ways to deal with their emotions and just because they're not (and never will be) the same ways you ladies choose, does not make them any less valid. Some of us express emotion through blogs, some of us through songs or music, while some of us depend completely on sex to communicate how we feel. None of us want to sit with a box of kleenex and a pint of Haagen Dazs and explore our feelings. We're not physically capable of it, so don't ask. Just be happy when we throw you the occasional hug and realize that the slap on the ass and asking if you "Wanna do it?" is the closest we can come to saying: we need you to be close right now.

Bear with us. We're really little more than hairless gorillas after all.

Later!