Back to the Writing

YAWN!

Tired today.

I'm hoping today is the last day of crazy for a while. No trainees scheduled for a few weeks and the weekend should be fairly quiet. I'm hoping to get back to work (Real, writing-type, work! Not this crap stuff that sucks up my time for 50 or so hours a week!) on a daily basis. I'm looking forward to it. The break was much needed, but I miss writing. Funny, ain't it? When I'm doing it every day, it's a major PITA, but once I stop . . . I get twitchy fingers and my brain keeps constantly turning back to the stories every spare moment. Bizarre. I spend a lot of time wondering if I'm doing the right (write?) thing with my life. What if I'm not really a writer? What if I'm just a wannabe who's writing such absolut crap that I really amount to the joke of the literary world? Am I just kidding myself; just trying to do something I was never meant to do? Then I think about the way I always go back to it, no matter how tired or disgusted I am with my lack of success or perceived skills and I figure: no sane person would go through all this shit unless it was something they were meant to do!

Seriously though, I would really like it if I could just get that first book published. I could live with being a minor writer, on the edge of the industry, without a single complaint. It's the idea of spending thousands of hours, typing up millions of words, and never having anyone read them that looms large over the landscape of my nightmares. Anybody else get that awful twist in your gut when you think that you may just be wasting the littl bit of time you have on this earth by sitting alone in a room telling yourself silly stories? Not a pleasant feeling. Still, I keep coming back to it, so either I'm on the right path or just a perennial masochist.

I'm thinking I want to finish off "First" as my next task. It's close to the end and I've had a three month break from it so I feel good about jumping back onto it. I'm about 1/2 through the edits on "Fish" and --if I push a bit-- I can probably have that ready for type-in by the end of January. I also need to work up the balls to start putting "Slayer" back through the slush piles. I still have a list of potential agents to show it to. I was ready to put it on a shelf but I can't do that while there's still any hope at all someone might pick it up. Wish me luck!

Well, that's all for now. Hopefully you'll hear from me a bit more regularly next week!

Later!