Traditions #4

THE BREAKFAST OF HOBBITS

Credit for this bit of familial oddity goes to my Old Man. Strangely, I believe it began the same Christmas as did yesterday's Tradition #3. My Dad read "The Hobbit" before I did. He was the one who gave it to me actually. He loved that book -as do I- but where I am a devoted fan of "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy, my Old Man always preferred "The Hobbit". He loved the simplicity of it, he said. He enjoyed LOTR but his first love was the adventures of one Bilbo Baggins and a dozen dwarves. My Dad loved Hobbits. He thought they were the most brilliant creatures ever. Hobbits know how to live well. They know about peace, they know of joy and of humor, but above all things: Hobbits know of food. Simple, solid fare, served in large portions is the very soul of Hobbit life. My father truly respected that. Hence, the tradition of The Hobbit Breakfast.

I pity those of you who have never partaken of such a repast!

Hobbit breakfasts are a five-course (or more!) affair. They take hours to eat properly and the cooking of them is just as much fun as the eating!

Course, the First: This is the simplest course. It's really just a warm-up . . . a way to get the belly woken up and ready for the gastronomic marathon on which it is about to embark. It consists of Juice (orange, tomato, or pineapple) and some type of bread (usually toasted) covered with butter and/or honey (I prefer both!) followed by a hot cup of coffee or tea.

Course, the Second: The cereal course. This is presented as a wide array of cereals (both cold and hot) for your gastronomic pleasure. Small bowls are recommended for all but the most Hobbitish amongst us, since we still have a looooong way to go on our eating adventure.

Course, the Third: Now my fellow Hobbits, we begin breakfast in earnest! We launch ourselves into a large stack of pancakes (aka: flapjacks, griddle-cakes, johnny-cakes etc.) covered with butter and large doses of maple syrup. Optionally, one may choose to use sweetened peaches and fresh whipped cream. Serve with an additional cup of coffee or tea.

Course, the Fourth: Egggssssess, my precious! Large platters of eggs: fried, scrambled, poached and boiled . . . any way you wish! Of course, one must never serve eggs on their own (Hobbits consider this terribly rude!) They must at all times be accompanied by large servings of bacon, sausage, and ham! At the very least, all these ingredients must be mixed into an omelette and all plates are served with additional helpings of toast and fried potatoes! Refresh the tea while you're at it, won't you?

Course the Fifth: Now we truly see who among us can truly call themselves a Hobbit, and who is merely a little dude with furry feet! Once the clutter of the previous courses has been cleared away, we break out the cakes! Doughnuts, cruellers, crumb-cake, muffins . . . baked goods of every conceivable variety for you to "round off the edges". This course moves quite slowly (as do all Hobbits by this point!) and can be spread across a couple of hours as needed to allow for proper appreciation of the sweets. Tea, coffee, and milk are suggested for sipping as we finish our morning and begin wondering what we might have for luncheon . . .

And THAT, my friends, is a Hobbit Breakfast! (No, I am not exaggerating!)

I will say however that the amount of food served in my house has been dramatically reduced since I was a teenager, living with five animals I called my brothers. Now, we generally use only the first, fourth, and fifth courses . . . often blending them together for a solid big breakfast on Christmas morning after the opening of gifts. The gifts, of course, come first. Gifts are the only things Hobbits love more than food! Even The Boy, who is usually a light eater, eats like a starved bear when we do Hobbit Breakfast. Luckily (for my heart!) we only do this twice a year: Christmas and Easter.

Now do you all see why I'm so damn fat? (I'm not really . . . I'm just a Hobbit!)

Later!