Howdy folks! I just want . . . (swirling clouds flood the sky and crackling thunder sounds)
Please, excuse this interruption of your regularly scheduled blog but following Jim’s comments yesterday I felt the need to respond to his smart-assery and quite a few other comments this jackass has made in the past with regard to My Divine Self.
For starters: his comment that I (God) should “. . . go fuck with somebody else for a change!” was childish and insensitive. I am the Creator of All Things . . . I love all My creations equally and therefore I fuck with them all equally! Don’t believe me, Jim? Go ask Mrs. Daphne Willousberg of Tarmara, Illinois about the extra appendage growing out of her ass, then come back and whine some more about your petty little moles! Good Me, you humans are the most tedious of all My creations! Why can’t you be more like dogs?
Dogs were a big success on My part. They have no opposable thumbs, and have to lick their own asses clean, but do they complain? Hell no! I show up around a dog and they go nuts licking my face and begging to be petted by their Creator . . . I show up around humans and you all wanna tell me about what a bad job I’ve done with the universe. Either that or you start banging your head on the ground and promising to kill a few million infidels in My Holy Name.
What the fuck is wrong with you people????
I mean, can’t you just say: “Hey, God! Nice to see you man. Oh, and BTW: thanks for . . . you know: EVERYTHING!” No, of course not. Instead, jumped up little monkeys like Jim here find it funny to belittle and berate my Vast Eternal Plan because they don’t like the roles they’ve been cast in for this play I call EXISTENCE. Well: tough shit, Jimbo! If I say you get cancer . . . you get cancer and you’ll just have to deal with it! Know why? Because I said so! I am the DIRECTOR, Me-Dammit!
Oh, and if you dare mock Me again, you little piss-ant, I intend to tell your wife exactly what type of web sites you visit when she’s not around. Remember: I see everything, you fat, bald, annoying, little prick!
Anyway, thank you all for listening, I’ll return you back to your regularly scheduled blog now.
Sincerely,
The Almighty.
. . . (Jim looking at rolling clouds in confusion) “What was that?? The Weather . . . very peculiar, don’t you think?”
(Brownie points for anyone who catches the reference!)
Later!
3 comments:
Jim, did you go to the dermatologist or are you worrying aloud? I hope you're ok. I had a couple of freaky looking raised freckles that turned out to be nothing. I hope yours is nothing too. Lynn
Dude, you cannot invoke the use of the "Big-C" and not clarify. Those of us who have followed your inane ramblings for over a year would like some clarification. Hope all is well with you and yours.
Having been there myself, I totally understood what you were saying. Don't sweat it til you have to! And if you have to have something removed that is visible to everyone, have a plastic surgeon do it instead of the dermatologist! You should see my scar. I tell people (guys) I was in a knife fight! Sounds much more fun than Big C!
-c h e r y l-
Post a Comment