Hiding in the Words

Here's something I've discovered about myself with the new found "inner peace" (does that sound lame, or what?) Anyway, I figured out that I read far too much. Oh, don't get me wrong: reading is a wonderful thing but I discovered that for me, it was a way to escape real life. I could hide from myself behind the written word. It was not uncommon for me to chew through two or three large novels a week. I read every free moment I had. During commercials, eating lunch, on car trips, on the can (eeewww!) whatever open time I had, I filled it with books. I never tought that was a problem, I just thought reading was fun and a great thing to stretch your mind . . . and so it is.

Unless of course, you are doing it as a way to hide from your life. It's much easier to deal with slaying mythical dragons than it is to think about if the garbage needs to go to the curb (something I still forget regularly, btw!) Inside books I could be who I wanted to be and ignore the person I was really becoming. For someone who reads as quickly and broadly as I, the books were the same as watching TV: mindless entertainments that let me blank out my reality. Listen, I still love reading. It's still the greatest medium humanity ever invented, but I've become much more selevtive about what I read. I read with much greater care and thought. In the last two months I've read only one book. I started another but it didn't really "speak" to me so I put it away. Something I NEVER do. I've read some great books in my time, but I've also devoured a lot of mindless crap along the way. I won't do that anymore. I am trying to devote time to my real life and not the imaginary one. Reading is still great, but it had better be worth the time I'm taking to do it! I finally understand that this is the only life I'm getting and that hiding from it in imaginary worlds is not the way to go.

Probably has something to do with the lack of writing too, don't ya' think? :-)

Jim has been a "consumer" for far too long. Mindlessly consuming books, food, TV shows, music, and magazines without any real thought about why I consumed it, or even if I really wanted it. It was there, so (of course!) I consumed. Don't wanna be a consumer no more! Don't know what that makes me now, but I'll figger it out eventually, I guess. I'm just moving day to day, trying to be more aware of what I'm doing and trying to break free of a lifetime of ingrained behavior patterns. So far, I'm liking it.

I still have a long way to go (Just ask The Wife: she'll tell you I'm still one lazy SOB!) but each day I try to be a bit better. Who knows? One day, I may even be a normal, honest-to-goodness, person!

Later!