Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Death By Wife

The Wife is a giant Coodie who has infected me with microscopic death-mites that are devouring the inners of my nasal passasge even as I type this. They have begun the process of liquifying my brain, the end results of which are leaking from my nose. My lungs and throat have also been invaded. I can tell by the burning pain of the sulfuric acid they use as a power source. Traces of it are left behind on my esophagus as they tunnel their way deep into my respiratory system, intent on disrupting my ability to convert oxygen. Oxygen is carried to the brain, where it reacts negatively with death-mite's acid core, slowing the process of brain liquification. The key for a death-mite victory is to first ensure that I can no longer breathe, then the reign of physiological terror they plan for my body can begin in earnest . . .

Oh, alright!

She gave me a friggin' head-cold, okay? Sheesh, you're all so hung up on the whole honesty thing! My descriptions are so much more entertaining . . .

Anyway, I'm feeling like crap and struggling through work. Traveling today, so that makes it even worse (sigh) I just wanna go home and go to bed. That would violate my rule of misery though. What? I never told you my rule of misery? It's simple really: "If you're going to be miserable, at least get paid for it." In other words, never take sick days when you're actually sick! :-)

I really have to be deathly ill to call out of work. The only time I do it is when there are large amounts of bodily fluids being expelled from multiple orifices (orifi?) Sorry, I know you didn't need that visual. When I'm sick I drag my ass to work and tell people to stop at my office door and talk to me from there. I try not to interact with folks too much but I'll be damned if I'm gonna eat a personal day lying in bed and moping at home.

Weekend was good - went to see "300" with The Boy on Saturday. It was better than I though it would be. Not much in the way of plot, but for entertainment it was pretty cool. Sunday we did the annual Easter Egg Hunt at my sister-in-law's house. There was a whole lotta rugrats scampering about! I like that though. Kids entertain me. I think I spent more time playing with the little ones thatn I did talking to the adults . . . less headache that way!

I did another five chapters of type-in on "Slayer" over the weekend. That puts me just short of the 1/2 way mark. (Yea, I know. I said it would be done by now but life ain't cooperatiing. Especially not the head-cold!) It's been weeks since I did any new writing either. I should kick myself in the ass over that but I've got so much editing work to do as it is, I don't know that I really need much more new stuff at the moment!

Anyway, just checking in to say I'm alive (at least until the mites finish the brain melt!) and kicking.

Later!

21 comments:

Lynn said...

When I saw 'Death by Wife', I thought, Uh oh. What did he do?
Maybe you can stop at Walgreens on the way home and get some Sinofresh and a box of Fisherman's Friend. Powerful combo. I hope you get well quickly, Jim.

Lynn said...

Still 'Death By Wife', Jim? You asked Him, didn't you? I warned ya. Hope you feel better soon. I hate it when I get the creeping crud!

Spilling Ink said...

Hey, Jim. I hope you can come on here in comments to let me know you're alright. I hope you're feeling better, Jim.

I went back to my old blog.

Spilling Ink said...

Well, I guess I'll just show up here with a hug every day until you get better.

{{{{{{{{Jim}}}}}}}}

Spilling Ink said...

{{{{{{{{Jim}}}}}}}}

Anonymous said...

oh jim where for art thou?!

shoes said...

women are like that

Anonymous said...

hope you're ok jim, blog again soon otherwise folks may think it actually was 'death by wife' lol

Spilling Ink said...

Jim, have you been engulfed by another shitstorm? May I contact the transporter room and have you beamed back aboard?

Jean said...

Jim? We're getting a trifle concerned here.

Spilling Ink said...

Yes, Jim. We are.
I hope everything is okay.

SRH said...

You there JA? All ok? I hope you are just taking some time off.

Spilling Ink said...

{{{{{{{{Jim}}}}}}}}

Anonymous said...

I'm going to be blunt jim ok? no offence or anything but get your butt in your computer chair and let us know that you're ok and havent deserted us!

Spilling Ink said...

Yeah, Jim. Butt in chair.

Sheesh... I'm a blog-stalker now, aren't I?

Well... sometimes I'm a pest. Like when I really like someone and they don't speak for over a month and I get scared that something bad may have happened to them...

Jim, can you just pop your head into comments and say, "I'm still breathing."? Pretty please?

Anonymous said...

beginning to think the worst here jimmy, please, PLEASE, PLEASE, let us know that you're ok.
there i've resorted to beginning, I'm sure other "personal favours" can be arranged if required.

Anonymous said...

BLOG JIM!

Anonymous said...

.....return to us!

Spilling Ink said...

Damn, Jim. I'm going to have to dig up your email address. I know you gave it to me once. I think it was during Nano.

Spilling Ink said...

Hey folks, I think Jim might be okay because I have an indication that he may be planning to return very soon. So let's not worry too much, let's just keep stopping in to leave 'welcome back' messages.

Welcome Back in advance, Jim!!!

Jean said...

Thanks, Lynn. I was about to do the same. Jim, we miss you. Hope to see you soon.