Murica! . . . and Monkeys

Some days I'm reminded of exactly why it is that I'm such a big fan of America (pronounced: MURICA!, for you feruners!) I guess that's no surprise, what with me being a soldier and all, but there are some things that we take for granted here, that other nations have to worry about on a daily basis. Take (for example) the extreme economic impact of the misunderstood, mammalian, misanthropic, monkey (no need for mammalian in that sentence, I just really dig alliteration!) Why am I concerned with monkeys? Well, apparently (in places what ain't MURICA!) they are capable of taking entire countries off the power grid. I shit you not: one monkey took out the power for an entire country! 

Monkey Triggers National Blackout in Kenya

The thing that truly got me on this article was this quote: "The statement did not say whether the monkey survived." Really? Do we need to ask this? I'm betting the locals had monkey-kabob for lunch that day. If not, that is a mutant zombie monkey and we should all be scared silly!

My novel "First Hold" is moving along well. I didn't sleep well last night, so I got up around 4:30 a.m. and put a few writing hours in before work. Maybe I'll do more tonight but it's Friday, so my lazy ass probably won't. (beer and food beckon!) Have a good one, all!

JAC

Apparently, I've got a little murder in me!

Ok, as those of you who know me can attest, I love me some coffee. I mean, my wife and kid have known for years that if I don't get my a.m. coffee, then someone is likely to die.I always thought it was the coffee (or lack thereof) that brought out the ugly side of my nature (shut up - I'm pretending to have a lighter side, so just play along!) According to Austrian scientists, I'm apparently just a naturally homicidal maniac . . . who knew???

Coffee drinkers are Psychopaths!

On other fronts, I'm working on my next novel (entitled "First Hold" for those of you who care) and I'm finally getting good progress on it. I'm down to the last few chapters of a damn long novel. It's currently at 210,000 words, which is about an 800 page novel (yikes!) so far and I'll probably top it around 250,000 words. Of course, then I'll edit it down some but since I'm such a brilliant writer (feel free to laugh or puke here, as desired!), I can't imagine it needing more than a 10,000 word cut.

Of course, I'm also taking time to write these clever posts in the hope that my friends and followers share them on all their social media sites . . HINT, HINT!!! (Yes, I'm looking right at you!) If my failures to date have taught me anything, it's that I can't do this alone. In other words, I'm shamelessly begging, and " . . . I ain't got the kinda manners keeps me from doing so!" (One brownie point for anyone what can give me the movie title that reference is from, in the comments!)

Enjoy the day!

JAC

Fat Man, Weepin'!

It's an amazing thing, how fragile an ego can be.

What does it take to turn a hardcore, military man, into a pouting little tool? Apparently, if that guy is me, it only takes some minor disappointment to set me "Sobbin' like a little bitch with a skinned knee" (props to Kevin Smith there, yo!) And, as we all know, "There ain't nothin' worse than watchin' a fat man weep!" (Yup, that's a Double Dogma quote swipe, for those of you counting!)

So, what is it I speak of that has had me behaving like such a weenie? Why, the dismal sales of my first two novels, of course! Listen, I know I posted all that cool sounding crap like: not caring about the sales . . . how I just wanted to write for the sake of writing . . . how I was thrilled that even one person read my books, etc, etc,, ad nauseum.

What a complete crock of shit!!

I REALLY wanted them damn things to take off like Wiley Coyote with an Acme Rocket strapped to his ass! Let's face it, in order to sit down and write novels, you have to believe that everything you do is absolute genius. You have to have an ego the size of a small continent to think that made up crap out of your own subconscious is so incredible that hordes of people will throw money at you like drunks at a stripper convention. You gotta put up a front of such immense confidence that it seems like an impenetrable force field between you and a the negativity the world throws at you.

I just didn't know that force field was made of plastic wrap! Seriously . . . wow. My ego crawled back into the deep recesses of self loathing, buried deep inside my Id, and covered itself with piles of scorn (ya' know, just to keep warm down there in the dark!)

So, translating that into English: I stopped writing cuz the world was mean to me!!

Well, I apparently have a remarkable ability to lie to myself, because I'm back at my writing and I'm back to trying to promote my books with a whole slew of new tools, including an all new website design, more blog posts, a regular newsletter, and other marketing type stuff to try and get more folks to read my masterpieces! Of course, this is all assuming that the scotch tape I've used to patch up those holes in my Seran Wrap deflector field holds and I don't wind up whimpering  in a locked room with the shades pulled down and muttering to myself . . .

Meh. What the hell, it's only an ego right? Apparently, mine grows back!!

Hope y'all come along for another ride.

JAC

Lafayette, nous voilà

Hey, folks!

Sorry for the extended abscence. Life and work (especially work!) were totally out of control for the last few weeks. Not quite sure what happened, but the time was just a blur in my tiny little mind! Ah well, I'm back to entertain you once more. Did ya' miss me? (Yes, please lie when you answer that . . . I have a fragile ego!) Everyone is healthy and happy here about and life seems to be settling back down again so you'll be subject to more of my bizarre doings on a regular basis. (Barring any nervous breakdowns on my part.)

On the writing front: not a lot of new work over the past two weeks, but I did some more editing of "Fish" and (best of all!) I've been seeing a lot of response to my queries on "Slayer". Several form rejections (to be expected!) one form rejection with a very complimentary hand-written note on it from the agent (much appreciated) and a phone call from a well known agent who wants to see the whole manuscript (Much delight!) No offer or anything at this point but the interest tells me that maybe I'm not just banging my head against a wall here. Could it be that I might actually have what it takes to be a published author?

Well, shit! Who'da thunk it????

I shouldn't get ahead of myself though. I spoke with the agent directly and she said the writing was a bit rough but the idea was very good. Now, I like to think it gets better after that first chapter and I KNOW my other novels have a much smoother style to them than "Slayer". I really like the story for this one -it's a lot of fun- but it was the first book I completed that I felt was publishable, so I'm sure there are still some rough edges in there. Good thing is: I'm not afraid to knock them off when somebody points 'em out to me! I've had no problem at all making editorial changes to the short stories I've published in the past and I don't see any issues with an agent's input either. Only an fool assumes he knows everything. I'm no fool (though I have been called much less polite things in my life . . . usually by The Wife!) I'll take any input I get and do my damndest to use it for improving my novels.

The good part is, this is the response to less than 20% of the queries I sent out on "Slayer". Doesn't really mean anything of course -the other 80% could all be form rejects- but I take it as a hopeful sign. Think good thoughts for this fat old man, would ya?

Well, that's it for right now. Tonight will be quite busy. I need to print out and mail my full MS to the agent tomorrow morning (Can you tell I'm impatient?) Hope all is well with everyone out there and I apologize if the daily joy of reading my blathers was missing from your life (Yea, right!)

Later!