Did I mention you should VOTE?

Fair Warning: arrogant lecturing to follow!!!!! (turn back now or you're S.O.L.!)

Tomorrow is election day.

Whoa - wait a minute! Did I just see you shrug your shoulders? Did I just hear somebody say: "So?" Alright, that's enough of that shit! Don't make me reach out through this computer screen and smack that silly grin right off of your face, damn it! I swear to God, I will TURN THIS BLOG POST RIGHT AROUND IF YOU ALL DON'T KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!

Ahem.

Sorry.

As I was saying: tomorrow is election day. Now let's face it, I'm a bit of a dork (Yea, shocking news, right?) I vote. Always. No shit . . . I have voted in every election -local and national- since I was old enough to do so (I think . . . I may have missed a few but I don't believe so.) Voting is more to me than just some pointless exercise in civic duty. It's a beautiful moment of sublime transcendent one-ness with my fellow citizens. It's a simple process that underscores everything that we, as Americans, are and hope to be. It's the moment where we all get to express our private view on where we've been and our deepest dreams about where we're going. Flicking that little lever behind that battered old curtain and having a legally guaranteed moment to stand tall and say "This is what I think!" and to know that your voice bears every bit as much weight as the voices of the great and mighty . . . That's some heady shit right there!

Voting is the very heart of America. That one simple moment of choice is what better men and women than I'll ever be have lain down their lives for again and again in far distant lands, and in the blood stained grass of our own back yards. Voting is the one moment where each of us gets to show that we're more than just consumers looking for churros at the Uber-Mall of Wegotitall, USA. Voting is the penultimate act of patriotism and validation of the sacrifices that have been made by so many brave souls, just so you can perform that one little function. Think about that for a minute. Thousands of people have died for no other reason than to let you stand in that booth and say: "This is what I think!" That lays a heavy burden of responsibility on our shoulders don't you think? Countless fathers, mothers, and children lost their lives so that you can go to your local polling place and have an equal say in what happens in this nation's future. Strip away all the flag waving, speeches, and honors and that's what it comes down to. They died, so you could vote.

So what do better than 1/2 of us do? We sit our fat, happy, uncomfortably wide asses down on our couch and watch the idiot box instead of taking the three minutes needed to perform that most sacred of American acts! Seriously? Do you need to see the latest "Family Guy" re-run that badly?

I know . . . I've heard the arguments a hundred times:

"It doesn't matter who wins, they're all corrupt anyway!"
"My wife and I just cancel each other out!"
"It's all fixed, the Electoral College picks who they want!"
"Voting's a joke, the results are all lies anyway!"
"I'm too busy to vote!"
"One asshole is as good as another!"
"I'm not voting for any of these jerks!"
"My candidate won't win anyway!"
"I'm not sucked in by that patriotic propaganda!"
"Voting is how they keep track of who doesn't think 'correctly'!" (yea, I've actually heard this one!)
"Whatever. I'm gonna get screwed no matter who wins!"

So, here's my answer to all of the above . . . STFU you whiny, pathetic SOB's!!!!!

Seriously. Knock it the fuck off. Get off your lazy ass and vote. The government sucks? Country going to hell? Morons running it all? Taxes choking you? "Those" people (whoever the hell you think they are) taking over everything? Fine . . . do something about it. Go vote. Pick whoever you find to be the least offensive asshole of a candidate and hit the lever next to their name. Maybe they'll win, maybe they won't even get enough votes to get mentioned on the late-late-late news on NPR. So what? You voted. You had your fair say and did your duty as a citizen. You TOLD everyone who should have been put in charge. If they listened, then you get to pat yourself on the back and bask in your brilliance. If they didn't, then you've EARNED the right to bitch and moan to your heart's content. Why? CUZ YOU VOTED!!!!!!!

Don't dishonor the men and women who've earned you this right. Whether YOU think it's important or no, the dead thought it was. Don't turn your back on their sacrifices. Go vote.

End of bitching . . .you can carry on with your regularly scheduled lives now.

After you VOTE of course.

No, really, go vote . . .

Later!