Okay, I shit you not (pun intended!) when I tell you that I have seen some of the most bizarre things imagineable in the men's room at work over the last week. I swear to God, I just don't understand what goes through a guy's head (again: pun intended!) when they're in there. Here's a brief list of what I witnessed:
1. Me standing at the urinal, an executive from my firm in the stall, taking care of his business, WHILE ON THE CELL PHONE WITH A CLIENT! What made it worse is, he's one of those guys who SHOUTS into the phone. Luckily, I ain't at all bladder shy. So there I stand, Mr. Happy in my hand, stuck with the dilemma of whether or not to flush once I'm done, cuz there's no way the client isn't going to hear the urinal flush. I'm hesitating, zipping back up and preparing to just walk out and leave flushing to the next guy, when Mr. Cell Phone lets loose with a power grunt and drops a bomb that probably showed up on the Richter Scale. While talking to a client . . . WTF??? I flushed, washed my hands, and left.
2. Walk in to use the urinal, turn the corner and what do I see? A completely naked sixty+ year old hairy ass staring at me! DUDE!! You do NOT need to completely drop trou and draws to drain the weasel! I did the instant: "about face!" and walked out. (Thank God for military training!)
3. Guy sitting in stall next to mine proceeds to set about cleaning himself when done with his business. I can hear him rolling the TP round and around his hand like 5-6 times. Okay . . . a little extreme but who am I to judge, right? I mean, it ain't like I bore witness to the mess he's tackling! So, I hear him do the winding bit a second time . . . then a third . . . and a fourth . . . Now I'm actually counting! The dude does this act SIXTEEN times. Sixteen? That's gotta be a full roll of industrial TP for one sitting. What the hell did you eat dude . . . an entire White Castle Restaurant?
4. Guy standing at the urinal on the opposite wall, taking a leak, and talking to his johnson the whole time: "Come on, that it. That's good . . . AHH!" I might have suspected he was up to something else and run out, if I hadn't heard the splashing of the Yellow River.
5. A wet wad of TP about the size of my fist stuck to the wall inside a stall, at about head height. Why was it there, and what made it wet? Don't know, and didn't hang around to find out!
Weirdness. Of course, how normal am I that I noticed all this and felt the need to write about it? Well, y'all know I'm a nutjob anyway . . .
Do ladies do things like this too, or are men just bizarre animals?
Later!
2 comments:
I can think of little worse than talking on the cell phone in the bathroom than talking to a client on a cell phone in the bathroom. A public or corporate bathroom makes it even worse. Family members talking to one another in the privacy of their own home, well, that's up to them, but public or corporate restrooms disgusts me.
To flush or not to flush? I flush. It's not my fault the idiot talking on the phone chooses to be a cad. I do choose appropriate cleanliness choices.
Perfect! I needed a laugh. You jerked the water right out of my eyes with this post, Jim.
And since you asked, I have seen some icky things in the ladies' room as well. My sister told me of a phone call she received from a co-worker who was obviously doing her thing in there while on the phone. Ew. Funny, though.
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