MEPS - The Second Visit

Hey, folks!

Sorry for the disappearance. I was on the road at work for 1-1/2 weeks (taught 21 seminars in eight days - woo hoo!) then took the family for a vacation down to Baltimore's Inner Harbor and Annapolis. Nice, relaxing, vacation. Slept in every morning, took our time seeing the sites, and had some really good meals. My kind of vaca!

So, where was I in my tale? Ah yes, my second visit to MEPS. I figured this would be a quick and easy one (silly me!) I just had to get two tests (ortho consult & glaucoma) done and I'd be out of there. I was first on the list, so no problems! Well, the Dr. I had to see for the consult wanted X-rays of the knee in question before he would see me, so they had to send me over to the local VA hospital to have the shots taken. Let me tell ya' folks, if you've never been inside a VA hospital, it's a pleasure you want to postpone for as long as possible. My old man was a disabled vet and he used to walk out of the things on a regular basis because they were filthy, understaffed, and the little staff they did have were unpleasant as hell. Seems nothing much has changed in the intervening years! I spent three hours sitting about and waiting to have an X-ray done and after it was finished I had to fight with the tech to get a copy I could bring back to the MEPS. (Luckily, the guy at MEPS had warned me about this and said "Do NOT take no for an answer! Make sure they give you a copy to bring back!") So, I got the X-rays, went back to MEPS and waited another two hours to see the Orthopedic Surgeon. Have to say, the Dr. was very nice. He was very interested in why I was joining at my age and we had a long conversation about it while he put me through the paces on my knee (bending, jumping, twisting, etc.) At the end he shook my hand (He was a Lt. Colonel, BTW) and thanked me for stepping up to do the job. That was pretty cool. I passed the consult with flying colors.

Next, I'm ready to have the glaucoma test, which means they send me off site AGAIN to a local eye Dr. who does the test for them. Another two hour wait for a 15 second test (it's where they blow the puff of air into each eye) Again: I pass with no trouble. Back to MEPS and they have me sit in the chairs for another hour. I'm getting a bit impatient when along comes My Buddy. "What you sitting here for, mijo?" He goes to the desk, grabs my file, reads through it and tells me to follow him. "All you need is the final sign off from the CMO (Chief Medical Officer) and you're done!" Alright! Now, we're getting somewhere!

He walks me past a line of twenty waiting recruits and right into the CMO's office. He hands over my packet and ask for a quick signature. The Dr. flips through my file and signs off on it, no problem. I figure I'm all set but as he hands the file back, he notices that I'm (you guessed it!) OVER 40!!! He takes back the file and says: "We need an EKG before we can pass him through." I groan, but My Buddy says "No problem!" He takes me right to the EKG room and hooks me up himself (Did I mention I loved this guy?) The first one he runs is no good (turns out one of the leads came off during the test) so he runs it again, telling me that if anybody else had done the test, they'd just have failed me and not tried again (I absolutely believe that! See why it pays to be nice?) Second test comes back flawless and he takes me back to see the CMO. Well, he's not available so he turns me over to another Dr. who can sign off (Little Dr. Rubber Glove, who I became so intimate with on trip #1) She looks at the EKG and signs off on my file, AGAIN. She hands it back and just as I'm turning to leave she notices . . . yup. I'm OVER 40!!!! She takes back the folder and looks through it for my blood work. Guess what? It's not there. She sends me out to the main desk and they call the lab that does the work and asks them to fax a copy of the results. This means another 45 minute wait before they get it and send be back in to see the Dr. She looks at the results and says: "No good, you have high cholesterol. That's a permanent disqualifier." PERMANENT? I felt like somebody kicked me in the nuts. I went through all this and they're gonna keep me out because my cholesterol was five (yup, only FIVE!) points too high???

Luckily, My Buddy was still there. He explained to me that it was just their terminology. It didn't mean I couldn't join, it just meant I had to get a waiver from the National Guard Medical Bureau in D.C. that said they'd still take me. "No problem, mijo, we get them all the time!" I thanked him for his help and it was back down to talk with my recruiter and let him know what was going on (poor guy was in the same boat as me: thought I'd be done in about two hours and he had to wait around for me all day!) He told mt the same thing as My Buddy. He figured he could get the waiver in 24 hours, 48 at most. "You'll be in the Guard by the end of the week," he said. Oh, was he ever wrong!

The saga of the waiver would take almost two full months to resolve. Seems the NGB couldn't read my file, so they asked for another copy. They scanned it and re-faxed. Still no good. They e-mailed it, still no good. They sent hard copies . . . uh-uh, still no go. The recruiter calls and they tell him the problem isn't the resolution or bad copies, it's the Doctor's hand writing. They just can't read it. This means that MEPS has to have a Dr. re-write my entire packet in a more legible hand. Finally, after two months of back and forth, the NGB approved my waiver and the recruiter calls me to say: "We're all set! One last trip to MEPS and you're in! It should be a quick one, in-and-out, you'll be home by noon!" Sounded nice, but I'd learned how schedules worked inside of MEPS. I took the entire day off work . . . just in case.

Good thing I did too, as you will see when we move on to: MEPS The Third Visit.

Later!